The Darkness of Lily's Past
by whitetiger72
Summary: The story never told, what no one wanted to hear. The story of Lily Evans for maybe her life was the fairy tale story all harry potter fans hoped it would have been.
1. Happy Birthday

Heyyyy, this is my fist fanfic. So could you please review. Don't be to hard please. Please tell me if there is anything i can improve on. THANK YOU

"Mummy don't go, please don't leave me. I love you."

Sobs racked the 5 year old girl. Her nanny begged her to leave her mother's side. The girl didn't hear her, all she heard was the sound of her mother's breathing getting fainter and fainter till she breathed no more. The girl they their in shock my her dead mother's side. Hoping against hope that by some chance she wouldn't be dead. When realization sunk in her sobs grew louder and louder, till she could cry no longer and collapsed from exhaustion.

That was 5 years ago, but seemed like a life time ago. What wouldn't Lily Evans give to be in the arms of her loving mother. Lily winced in pain as that thought popped into her head. Her back, now raw from the fresh whippings her "beloved" father had given her the other night.

Happy Birthday to me, she thought bitterly. She turned her head towards the window, and watched the beautiful snow fall. It all looked so magical, like a fairy tale with a happy ended- wishing this was the case. That she actually belonged to a family that cared about her. A normal family that gave you presents on your birthday, and above all that unconditionally loved you. Not a broken family from which she came from. A home where after her mother died had never know love. Her father a drunk, a sister who considered a rat a better living thing then herself. Both of them loving each other, but never her.

Lily got up from where she was sitting and as quietly as possible went up and tried to go to her room, unfortunately for her, her father heard. She had remind him of her existences. Angrily grabbed a hand a hand full of her red hair and dragging her from the stairs.

"I teach you a lesson you'll never forget."

"It will be the best birthday present you'll ever get from me."

He dragged her to the living room. With one swift movement punched her jaw. Making her scream in agony. With that he pushed her on the floor, got the beer bottles that he had just finished drinking and broke them on her ribs. Leaving her unconscious and laying in her own pool of blood.


	2. Darkness is comforting

DisclaimerIf I did own the rights do you think I would be writing this. Humm let me think no. Please Review. THANX

The dark is comforting. For the first time in five years she feels surreal. She never wants to leave this place, for how much pain and hurt can one person take. The darkness is fading though. She tries desperately to hold on to it, she's trying for dear life to cling on. Darkness though isn't something you can cling onto. It should be though, for you can cling onto safety, and her safety is darkness. Light though can shine though the darkness.

She doesn't remember much, in fact she doesn't remember anything about the last couple hours. She feels numb. She tried moving her arm the end result is only more pain. At last she opens her eyes and finds herself in a crumbled heap on the ground, soaked in blood and so is the ground around her. She's only ten but she knows what she's feeling isn't good and that maybe some of her ribs are broken. The pain is numbing she knows it could be worse for her if she falls asleep on the floor the same way she was when she first gained conscious, but the light is blinding and the darkness so comforting.

She longs to be in her comfy bed with the Gund bear her mother gave her. She wants to be able to dream of the angel in white that her mother always used to whisper into her ear before she fell asleep at night. "_Your guardian angel_." Shed always said, "_When your feeling sad just think of her and you'll realize that life isn't so sad after all. Lily you have a beautiful smile, you deserve a beautiful world."_ She remembers her mother's world and then the light isn't so blinding and the pain isn't so numbing.

For the second time her eyes open. This time she's get beyond the pain and will herself to move. Slowly she presses her elbows against the carpet and shifts he weight to legs, so that they are able to support her. Stumbling the fifty feet she had to walk to get from the where she was on the floor to the stairs. Climbing the stairs is a huge feat for her. Her breathing is becoming limited. The broken ribs are protruding into her lungs. Failure is not an option. Slowly but surly she makes it up to the second floor landing where she makes a right and is facing the small room of Lily Evens. Hobbling towards her bed, she makes a grab for her huge first aid kit full of medical supplies, Collapsing onto her bed she takes a hand full of alcohol pads, rips them open and as fast as she can whips her arm where the glass once was. Then makes a grab for the gauze. Gingerly she wraps the long strip of white cotton gauze around her ribs, hoping that they will heal on their own.

After thats all in order she lightly puts pressure on her feet as she makes her way to the bathroom and the mirror. Lily Evans by all accounts is not a fearful person, but it is in this moment in which Lily Evans is truly scared, scared of what she'll see. For seeing her face ( a thing in which she hasn't done in longer then she can remember) would mean facing reality. The reality of her life. She spends all her times in other worlds, other dimensions pretending her life is like Christmas every day. Mirrors never lie though. The truth is in the reflection and her greatest fear is that what she'll see will enhance her belief that her life is a Christmas every day, that maybe her life isn't even normal and that for her happiness is just a little out of her grasp.

What she sees glaring back at her is a reflection of a person with a broken spirit and eyes, hollow eyes with no life staring back. She was right after all happiness is just a goal to far for her.

THANK YOU: SEMI-CRAZYWITHALITTLEWEIRDN..., LILYXHAMES, ANIMALS ARE MY LIFE, AND BLACK KAT64. Thank you all so much for taking the time to reviewing. I'm glad you lik emy story is review again and tell me what you think. I'll be posting the next chapter in 8day or less. thanx


	3. Hope

"It's been getting worse," she thinks to herself as her eye catches her latest black and blue. Worse she thinks to herself his her past birthday. She's never worried about her bruises before. Her body always healed itself rather quickly, yet now she's getting worried, for her supply of ointment is running dangerously low and she has no money to replace it. She can no longer pretend and hope that her life is all just a bad dream, that one day with hope she'll wake up from. Hope without reason is useless. In her case it can be deadly.

Her father was recently told that due to his constant disheveled appearance and frequent lateness, the **GREEN BOWLING DAILY** could no longer employ him. The sad and pathetic(ness) of Mr. Evans life suddenly hitting him, as he stagers to the local bar a block away from his former job. Lately he's been here so many times that he's actually friendly with the bar man. Gazing around the bar as he sits on an empty bar stool he wonders how his live has ended up being what it is today. He can't deal, he's never been strong, he's never had the strength and courage that his wife had, that his beautiful Lily has. What wouldn't he give to be anyone, anyone who wasn't him. He would give anything to see and be with his late wife just once more. He's smart enough, though to know that if he spend his whole life waiting for something or someone to rid him of his sorrows his life would pass him by.

The bar man walking over to Mr. Evans bar stool. "What will it be today, Mr. Evans."

"Marty, hit me with a Manhattan followed by a 777 and then a double shot of whiskey and just keep 'em coming."

"Sure thing, Mr. Evans."

"Good man, Marty."

At 4:53 pm Lily awoken from her trance, by a loud thudding sound. Quietly as possible she tiptoes downstairs, so as not to disturb the vacant house. Somehow though she ends up tripping instead.

"So much for trying to be quiet" she thinks to herself. "Thank God Tuney isn't her to nag me about being an uber freaky klutz." she mutters to her she. Once downstairs she discovers that loud thudding sound was just her passed out father, passing out on the sagging couch. "Figures." she thinks

Today Mr. Evans got fired.

Today Mr. Evans didn't physically abuse his daughter.

Today Miss. Lily Evans got accepted to Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Today Lily Evans has hope again.

Looking back Lily can't remember quite exactly how she got her Hogwarts school supplies, she only remembers the feeling of release. The release of dreams, and being able to escape. To break free of the chains that have bound her for the past 11 years of her life.

The countdown began, for her departer date to arrive. For her and her father.

Lily's never felt this way before, her happiness endless. Before she got her letter she use to wonder what her life would be like without her father, with out pain. Now she no longer has to wonder, it is with in her grasp to have that life. The days are numbered and then she's off.

Lily would never say this out loud, but sometimes she wonders if maybe she'll ever be alright. If anyone could ever love someone like her. Just before Lily was set out to leave, every night Mr. Evans would crawl into her room and get down on his knees to be level with her.

Every night he'd say "A Hug for all the good things to come for you. A kiss for all the times I'll never be able to kiss you again. And a scar to remember me by." It was in those moments that she was afraid, afraid of what her father would do. She could she the what looked like a piece of a broken beer bottle in his hand. He'd humm the words "_Don't cry baby, the aftertaste is guna break my heart, feels like it's over before it starts,_ while carelessly rubbing his right hand on her inner thigh. Then, though she couldn't see this but some sort of switch was made. The next second she felt in the same spot that he'd been rubbing her thigh, glass was pressed against it and then pierced. Blood spouting, seizing his chance he dragging the glass across the area of her thigh that he'd just been rubbing. "Inner to outer" he'd always be muttering. His hand covered in blood after the deed was done."

"Good night my love," he'd say as he closed the door, encasing Lily in darkness.

Having gotten to KingsCross Station hours to early, she sits on her new school trunk on platform nine and three-quarters, waiting for the train to appear.

She isn't noticed, for everyone else has someone to say goodbye to.

She wishes her mom was here, instead of watching from uptop.

Getting so caught up in watching all the tearful goodbyes, she almost didn't notice the fifteen minute warning to get on the train.

Dragging her trunk along, onto the train she finds an empty compartment. Sitting down, facing the window watching the the station become nothing more then a speck in the distance. A faraway look appering on Lily's face.

_**The Phoenix must burn to emerge**_

Thanx LILYXJAMES for review. And all those new people reading you know you want to review right. So come on it'll only take a couple seconds. I'm sorry is my story is going at such a slow pace, but don't worry it'll pick up really fast, just please bare with me. Thanx


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